Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Some thumbs up, Some thumbs down, Lots of thumbs in the middle

RETRO POST:  Originally posted on 9/22/2014:

I decided to clear some of the cobwebs off this blog by posting a few things.  The first thing is a word file I came across detailing the movies I saw in the theatre.  The genesis of this was me complaining to Melissa that my parents never took my sister and I to the movies and that I never really went to the movies when I was older.  I think I covered all of them, and it looks like I've been to the movies just 49 times.  Is that a lot?  It's less than two times a year throughout my life. 

Themes that are apparent:  Some super hero movies (which I hate now and would never pay to see) and Star Wars (....?), very few blockbusters, and boobs. 

I started with the very first movies I saw, and then went in alphabetical order from then on.

He-Man--I think this is the first movie I ever went to see.  Naturally my Aunt Barb took me with my cousin Chuck.  About all I remember is it is was my first time and Skeletor put some kind of curse on the Sorceress and she became some evil looking bird.  That was pretty scary in 1984. 

Cinderella--About all I remember here is that I was approx. five years old and still understood that this was a movie for girls.

American Pie--Saw this movie the night it came out (and then the next afternoon) and it's still probably the best movie experience I've had in the theatre.  It was very highly anticipated and there was a rowdy crowd of young people.  Still the only movie I've been to that got a standing ovation after it was over.

American Pie 2--Saw this movie two times as well.  Good, but nothing special.

Any Given Sunday--Aside from the great 'Fight for that Inch' speech by Al Pacino near the end, nothing special.

Austin Powers 2--Saw this twice because it was presumably funny at the time, but it does not hold up well at all.

Batman and Robin--I can barely remember anything about this movie, which is probably saying more for the movie than it deserves.

Batman Forever--The only reason I wanted to see this movie is because I thought Nicole Kidman might get naked, and I was disappointed. 

Batman Returns--I loved the first Batman, but this was one of the worst movies I've ever seen in the theatre or on TV.  My dad said he fought to stay awake.

Bennie and Joon--This was the back end of a double feature we saw at the Columbia Drive-In.  I don't think we stayed for the ending.

Beverly Hillbillies--This had Jim Freaking Varney playing Jed Clampett.  That about says it all.  With that said, I remember my friend Tim and I laughing our butt's off and people staring at us like we were aliens.

Black Dahlia--Shamefully, another movie I saw expressly for the purposes of some lady getting naked.  Beyond that, it was slow, boring, and painful to watch.

Boys and Girls--This came out somewhat shortly after the American Pie movies and had Jason Biggs in it, so we naturally assumed it was going to be funny.  And it wasn't.  When it comes down to listing the worst of these movies, it really comes down to this and Batman Returns.

Butterfly Effect--Any time that Ashton Kutcher tried to be serious or dramatic, the crowd exploded in laughter. 

Cop and a Half--This was another back end of a double feature at the Columbia Drive-In.  I'd put this at number three behind Batman Returns and Boys and Girls. 

Friday the 13th--The new one that came out a few years ago.  Great date movie.

Harry Potter--Don't know the subtitle but it was the third to last one.  I went with Melissa to see this at a midnight showing the day (morning) it came out.  I'd never seen any of the previous movies and was totally lost and it was a herculean struggle to stay awake.  I got home at 3:30am and then had to be at work at 8:00am. 

Harry Potter--The last one of the series.  Melissa and I saw this in a 3-D IMAX theatre.  I don't care for the series, but IMAX is a pretty awesome experience.

The Hitman--Starring Chuck Norris, what could go wrong?  The only time my dad took me to a movie, just me and him.  It was bad and incredibly violent and uncomfortable to watch sitting next to him.

Home Alone--This movie was the one and only time that our parents ever took us to see a big movie that my sister and I really wanted to see.  Of course it was months after the release and it took incessant nagging from us to break them, but it's the thought that counts.

Honey I Blew Up the Kid--Horrible sequel to the good first movie.  My Aunt Karin took us to see this movie.  She lived about 5 hours away, so I'm sure she was tickled pink to spend her vacation away from home seeing this snoozer.

Jackass 2--Pontius lets a snake bite his penis.  Steve-O eats cow manure.  It is what it is.

Joe Dirt--The one and only time I fell asleep in a movie theatre.

Loser--Another movie we saw based on Jason Biggs, post-American Pie.  Not bad actually--totally rewatchable on a Sunday afternoon--not during football season, and if the Red Sox are not on TV.

Miracle--I really liked this movie.  Kurt Russell was great as Herb Brooks and the game action scenes were done really well--something you don't really see in sports movies that often.  Bonus Points awarded because the one guy we saw it with apparently missed out on the whole story and was actively rooting and cheering for the US team like we were at the stadium in 1980.

My Bloody Valentine--Nice movie for an actual Valentine's Day date with Melissa.  I should mention that there was a extended 5 minute sequence where one lady was running from the killer, but she was totally naked from head to toe.  Like, the entire sequence she was shot from head to toe and you could see her entire naked body the whole time.  And I only point this out because there was in my estimation, 30 kids in the theatre under the age of 10 years old.  Not a lot of parenting skills in effect that night.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2--I saw this movie before I saw part one so I had no idea who Barbossa was when he came out at the end.

Powder--All I remember about this movie is that we saw it at Kendig Square when tickets were still $1 and we snuck in about $143 worth of candy and soda.

Rambo 4--One the most unique movie experiences.  I think what happened with this movie was they knew the name Rambo could sell, but they had nothing in terms of a plot or character development or anything of that nature, so they decided to take the violence and double it plus two.  The result was absolute mayhem.  We couldn’t believe our eyes there were so many people getting their heads blown off, or their stomach's falling out, or getting shot in half.  People casually throw out the phrase "I'll rip your throat out!"  Well Rambo did that in this movie. 

The Replacements--The guy from the Make 7 Up Yours commercials got a movie. 

Road Trip--Like Jason Biggs movies post-American Pie, we were also all in on anything Sean William Scott.  Good thing here, because he is essentially playing Stiffler in this movie as well.  Seriously, it's like he got in character for American Pie 2, walked off set and onto Road Trip and kept on going.

Road to Perdition--I had planned to see this movie with some girl.  Right before I was set to leave I found that ESPN Classic was replaying the Kings Canadiens 1993 Campbell Conference Finals game 7.  I decided not to cancel and taped the game instead.  That was a tough one, could have went either way.  Anyways, this movie was really, really long and it killed my back sitting there for nearly three hours.  I still have the VHS tape, though.

Rookie of the Year--This was actually another movie that I really really wanted to see and actually was able to.  It took the neighbors initiating things, but my parents were there.  Thanks guys!  Of course now this movie is horrendous but youth distorts some things.

Saving Silverman--For better or for worse, Jason Biggs sold a lot of tickets to me and my friends. 

Scary Movie--We had no idea what we were in for with this movie.  It seemed like a standard parody comedy movie from the previews.   But they couldn't really show what the movie was about in the previews.  In the first scene, Carmen Electra gets stabbed in the chest and the killer pulls his knife back and a breast implant was stuck to it.  We knew then what we were in for.

Shutter Island--This was an interesting movie.  It was pretty suspenseful and had a good soundtrack to accentuate that suspense.  The resolution was okay--not a lot of movies can cash in on the level of suspense that it had built--most times it crashes in horrible fashion, as we will see later on down the list.

Spiderman 3--Good CGI, but very long.  They could have cut out the Sandman(?) subplot altogether.  And why did they scrap the Tobey Maguire franchise if it was making so much money?

Star Wars Phantom Menace--Return of the Jedi is an okay movie--when Darth Vader turns on Palpatine to save Luke--that's actually one of my favorite movie scenes ever.  But with that said, I hate Star Wars.  I just don't like the characters, the premise, the canon---anything.  But somehow I got roped into paying for this movie twice.  Twice! 

Star Wars Revenge of the Sith--Another Star Wars!  George Lucas has too much of my money.

Terminator 3--I'm hesitant to admit this, but I saw this movie alone in the theater like a societal outcast.  It was the middle of the week around 1 in the afternoon and I was bored and I really wanted to see it.  Don't judge me.

The Gift--Not going to lie, the sole reason I went to see this movie was to see Katie Holmes’ boobs.

Wayne's World 2--The first one is an all-time favorite.  This one, not so much.  I read somewhere that Mike Myers initial script for this sequel was centered around Aurora Illinois seceding from the union.  That sounds phenomenal.  But apparently Paramount didn't agree and told him to re-write the script two weeks before shooting began.  Makes sense.

What About Bob--This looked good to my friend and I, and we coerced his mom into driving us to see it.  I don't think she enjoyed it but it was fun.

The Wickerman--Okay, looking back in retrospect we can all agree that this movie was a total abomination.  But for the first 80% of this movie I was totally enthralled.  I was on the edge of my seat and had no clue where this movie was going.  It sounds silly now but I was never in that much suspense watching a movie.  But where as Shutter Island did a commendable job resolving that suspense, this movie went off a cliff and into the Grand Canyon.  This movie totally flipped when Nic Cage went from frustrated cop looking for his daughter to a paranoid schizo, karate kicking old ladies while wearing a bear costume.

Wild Wild West--Don't remember much, just realizing that it was not entirely accurate to the historical record of the Ulysses S. Grant historical record.
World Trade Center--Not anything memorable, other than I think Kyle cried at the end.

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