Friday, January 8, 2016

Greatest Movies Ever, Non-Negotiably Ranked

I think movies are the most important thing in America.  Movie stars make the most money.  People watch movies over and over again.  They aren't like television episodes where your favorite show has 50 to 100 episodes to sort through to find your favorite.  It's one and done.  Most of them stick with you your whole life like family or STDs.  Because they are so important, we have to list the best.  The following list is non-negotiable and final.

1.   Back to the Future
2.   Casablanca
3.   The Wizard of Oz
4.   Cast Away
5.   Wayne's World
6.   Ghostbusters
7.   JFK
8.   The 'burbs
9.   Bird on a Wire
10.  Lethal Weapon

1,072. A snuff film showing everyone that I hold dear, dying horrible deaths
1,073. Star Wars

Glad that's settled.

The greatest thing I can say about Back to the Future is that I wish I could see it again for the first time.  Time travel is my milieu, so this movie is right up my alley.

BTTF is the greatest adventure story of all time.  I dare you to find me a movie that is more fun to watch.  I read somewhere that nothing is said or done in the movie that doesn't become important later in the movie.  How great is that?  That all leads to my favorite movie scene ever, summed up by Doc's famous line:  "Dont long you hit that wire with the connecting hook, at precisely 88 mph, instant the lightning strikes the tower...everything will be fine!"  

I may be slightly over top in regard to the movie, but I'm just saying if I ever end up winning a Best Screenplay Oscar, I'm thanking Michael J. Fox, Lea Thompson and Robert Zemeckis before my Mom and Dad.

There might be other movies that were better 'made' but Back to the Future is my favorite.  It's the one movie that I can watch whenever it is on, at whatever part of the movie.  I never get tired of it.  It's been with me all of my life, along with my family and the Red Sox.

The Wizard of Oz is every kid's favorite movie.  And if it's not, it's because they haven't seen it yet.

Cast Away is Tom Hanks on an island with a volleyball for 90 minutes and it's absolutely terrific.  It makes me angry right now in 2016 that freaking Gladiator won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2000 and Cast Away wasn't even nominated!  The biggest mistake in the history of the Academy Awards.

Ghostbusters is a testament to the genius of Bill Murray.

You will never ever beat me in Wayne's World trivia, so don't try.

Because I am lazy, I typically spend my work vacation just sitting around the house.  In a perfect world, one of the weeks that I have off would end up like the plot to The 'burbs.  No, I don't necessarily wish that my neighbors were serial killers, but I'm just saying it help might break up the monotony of a boring summer.    

Back to the Future is my favorite movie, but Casablanca is the best movie, if that makes sense.

Casablanca has the best script, the best lines, the best story, the best characters, the best actors, the best final scene and the best final line of any movie ever made.  Good luck topping that any time soon.

The cast is gang-busters.  Ingrid Bergman and Paul Henreid are great and Claude Rains' Captain Renault is one of the 10 best characters of all time.  Even the bit players -- Sydney Greenstreet and Pete Lorre -- are legends in the film industry.

Humphrey Bogart's Rick Blaine is the best movie bad ass of all time.  Who else has the balls to run his own American-themed cafe/casino in German occupied France?  Who else is going take local police hostage, stand up to the Nazis and win World War 2 -- all in the name of love?  That's what makes his character and the movie so great, he's tough on the outside, but a jilted lover softie on the inside.

Finally, I just don't get Star Wars.  Darth Vader is the bad guy.  So, why does everyone love him?  Luke Skywalker is the hero, so why does everyone think he's just a dweeb?  Why is Empire Strikes Back the best movie of the franchise?  The bad guys win and it's basically a two hour commercial for Return of the Jedi!  Star Trek is better, there I said it.

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